I rarely read those forwarded emails, let alone send them on, but this was too good. At least for a true Illinoisan. Most of them, I was like “Um, yeah, so what?” Esp. on the Dairy Queen. Don’t all Dairy Queens shut down for winter??? Maybe not?

The snow ones, not so much. That’s for the northerners. The part of the state I’m from, not much snow. In fact in St. Louis (not Illinois, but we share the river, and it’s an Illinois thing only a native can understand), they start shutting down schools with one flake. I’m not making it up. If Kent says an inch of snow, you can be sure the bread rows at the store are wiped clean.

Completely different world in Chicago, where they do get lots of snow (the only thing in Chicago I ever coveted, otherwise, Chicago can go to hell).

What’s wrong with measuring distance in hours? Yes I do. Is that unusual???

I’ve never worn a parka and shorts, but I did a naked snow angel once. I also used to wash  my car naked. (I lived in the country down our own long farm road, and could hear a car coming a mile away, so was very safe. My [ex] husband also used to pay me to do it, so was mad money.)

I’m going to tell my famous Bubba story next.

Tony did not find these funny at all. Also, I’ll add that apparently in Chicago, people don’t eat pork steaks on the grill. WTF? My cousins, who live in Chicago (poor things), take coolers of pork steaks back with them in summer. How can you grill meat and not include pork steaks??? (Unless you don’t eat meat, or pork, then that’s fine.)

> *Jeff Foxworthy on Illinois:*
>
>
>
> If your last governor is headed for prison and the governor before him is
> already there,
>                                *You might live in Illinois .*
>
> If your latest US Senator lied to get the job,
>                                *You might live in Illinois ..
> *
> If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March,
>                                *You might live in Illinois ..*
>
> If someone in a store offers you assistance & they don’t work
there,
>                                *You might live in Illinois .*
>
> If your dad’s suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his
> forehead,
>                                *You might live in Illinois ..*
>
> If you have ever worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
>                                *You might live in Illinois ..*
>
> If your town has an equal number of bars and churches,
>                                *You might live in Illinois .*
>
> If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a
> wrong number,
>                               *You might live in Illinois .*
>
>
> *YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Illinoisian WHEN:*
>
> 1. Vacation means going north or south on I-55 or I-57 for the weekend.
>
> 2. You measure distance in hours.
>
> 3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
>
> 4. You often switch from heat to AC in the same day and back again.
>
> 5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard,
>    without flinching.
>
> 6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including
> weddings).
>
> 7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
> unlocked.
>
> 8. You carry jumper cables in your car and know how to use them.
>
> 9. You design your kids Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
>
> 10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with
> snow.
>
> 11. You know all 5 seasons: *_almost winter_*, *_winter_*, *_still
> winter_*, *_road construction_*, &
>      *_It’s Hot_*.
>
> 12. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your
>       blue spruce.
>
> 13. Down south means Missouri to you.
>
> 14. A brat is something you eat.
>
> 15. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed. (Bubba
> throws a HELLUVA Pole party)
>
> 16. You go out to a tailgate party every Friday. (Y’all must really
know
> my neighbor, Bubba)
>
> 17. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
>
> 18. You find 0 degrees a “little chilly.”
>
> 19. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your
>      Illinois friends. (What’s not to understand?)

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